Milton the Terror

Do you see this monstrosity?! This beast! This DOG!

His name is Milton. Ugh! Who names such a beast and allows them in a home is beyond me!

Why do people even own dogs!? Caitlin even loves dogs and most of her tumblr is pictures of puppies  I worry about her mental instability sometimes. Because clearly fish are the better pet.

Milton also dwells in this household. Against my will. But clearly no one here asked my opinion!

Milton and I have never gotten along but tonight was the last straw.

I was minding my own business. Watching the television with some of the kids. Lots of old Marvel cartoons and Arthur. That's most of what gets watched round here. And that just makes sense because they are the best shows in my humble opinion.

I was sitting rather close to the edge of the couch. Out of nowhere Milton walks up and just knocks me to the ground! And because of the television no one even noticed! I was flailing and suffering as he pushed me round like a toy with his paws and nose. Clearly I was defenseless  But if we were underwater I am sure I could have taken him down! And then that's when the worst part happened. He opened his big coon hound mouth and tried to eat me! Eat me! My entire self was in his mouth! This is when the humans finally intervened. Ugh. And not a moment too soon as well. I could have died! I could have been swallowed whole! My whole life flashed before my eyes! It was terrifying! I still shudder at the thought! He and I will never be able to regain a friendship after this.

Fish are the better pet, eh?

~Zed